بِسْمِ ٱللَّٰهِ ٱلرَّحْمَٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ

Nur al-Din ‘Itr (d. 1442) said:

“Indeed, the good selection of the path relieves the seeker in his journey towards his destination and guarantees his arrival with reassurance. As for the one who does not care which path he takes, he exposes his goal to loss, rather, he exposes himself to becoming a target for troubles and difficulties, and for what may confront him on a desolate road from the tyrannical criminals. People differ in their goals, and they follow diverse paths in their lives.

The most prominent field in which a person’s character and true psychological nature are revealed is the field of engagement and choosing a life partner, because this choice expresses the grand dreams and ideals to which both young men and women aspire, as each one envisions their life partner in an exaggerated image of what they believe to be perfection and elevation in life.

There are people who seek the young man or woman who enjoys wealth and riches, and they are fixated on nothing but money. They live by a materialistic logic, and their dreams of life do not envision anything except the image of wealth, for it is their goal, and the one with wealth is their target.

These are people whose hearts have become cheap, for they sell them for a price, and how worthless is the whole world as a price for the heart!

How often does the world change for its possessors, greeting them in the morning or the evening, and behold, they are on the brink of bankruptcy or impoverishment.

How much do those wealthy ones suffer from arrogance and pride, forcing those who live with them to live before their arrogance in humiliation and disgrace, perhaps at a level lower than that of servants!

There are others who seek the young man with a prominent social status, and the young woman with a high standing in society. She is from such-and-such a family, or the daughter of so-and-so, a person of influence, position, and rank among the people.

If he speaks, he is listened to, and if he commands, he is obeyed. However, soon this pride turns into a curse upon those who attach themselves to such people, for they will sacrifice their dignity to face their dominance, and they will lose control over themselves due to their influence.

There are people who are infatuated with beauty, the handsome young man and the radiant young woman are everything to them.

They are captivated by beauty to the point that they overlook the dangers of its arrogance, the arrogance that causes its possessor to seek and demand the admiration of the opposite gender, even to the extent that they often fall into ruin.

They neglect the fact that the outward appearance, by itself, is nothing but a shell, which no rational person should be deceived by, as its deceptive appearance hides the truth within. For the enjoyment of beauty soon fades due to interaction, familiarity, and closeness.

Moreover, pregnancy weakens a woman’s health and diminishes her beauty. In fact, beauty itself often disappears due to illness, a weak body, thinness, or obesity, and the most significant impact comes from pregnancy and childbirth. Glory be to the One who created people in different stages . . . and there are rational and wise people, who rose above appearances and were not deceived by them.

They pierced through the veils of the shells to reach the core, and with their sharp insight, they saw beyond the skin and flesh. They placed all these matters on the scale — the scale of nobility, and steadfastness upon truth and goodness.

Wherever it deviated from truth and goodness, they were the furthest from it and the quickest to distance themselves. Wherever truth and goodness exist, their faces beam, their hearts become attached, and their souls incline toward it.

The girl of their dreams is adorned with modesty and shyness and protected by faith in Allah and seeking His pleasure. The man of their dreams is that person who holds fast to the truth, not surpassing it in his anger or satisfaction. He does not commit injustice when angered, rather his character expands to include forgiveness and gracious pardon.

He does not neglect the truth even if it opposes his desires, but clings to its firm grip so that his desires align with the truth. She is safe from aggression, and secure from betrayal, as his complete virtues surround her, and his tender emotions overshadow her.

Truly, it is a lofty paradise:

‘Women are married for four reasons: for their wealth, for their lineage, for their beauty, and for their din. So, marry the one with din, may your hands be covered in dust.’

[al-Bukhari and Muslim]

‘If there comes to you one whose din and character you are pleased with, then marry him. If you do not, there will be fitnah on the earth and widespread fasad’

[al-Tirmidhi]

‘Do not marry women for their beauty, for their beauty may destroy them, nor marry them for their wealth, for their wealth may cause them to transgress. rather, marry them for their din, for a black, deformed slave woman with din is better’

[Ibn Majah]

Indeed, this wise prophetic guidance includes honoring the woman, because by her nature, the woman leans towards virtuous morals and readily accepts them.

Likewise, due to her delicate human instinct, the woman is quicker to accept admonition and is more affected by counsel, as is well-known among scholars of education. From this, her union with a man of din – along with the purity of her nature from corrupt traditions – is a guarantee for her of harmony and concord”

[Mada ‘an al-Mar’ah]

جَزَاكَ اللهُ خَيْرًا